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Since when do you have to pay for jalapenos on your nachos? Sure, you always had to ask for them, but now they're actually charging? This is clearly a sign of the apocalypse. It's times like these that I wish I had a bible because I'm sure the word "jalapenos" is in Revelations somewhere.

And if I'm ever on The Price is Right and the prize is a baby grand piano, I'm walking off stage.


This is what lunch in Walmart's cafeteria does to you.